Kenya's Indian Ocean 
Kenyan Border official: "Enjoy your TOWEL"
Except for the Hilton in Addis, the last time we had seen a cash point was back in Egypt. After paying our visas, we had barely enough cash between the four of us to have a light snack here and get to the next town. Over 4 teas and 4 samosas, Ingunn proceeds to turn her face. “What`s the matter“, I ask her?
“It`s the Tea. It tastes like fish“!
Consequently no one touched their drinks.
From then on Ingunn was on: "Detecting hot drinks for FISHY smell" detail
Though it was still bright and early, today there were no buses. On this particular border, the usual way for people to get around was by CATTLE TRUCK. There were at least 5 such monstrous trucks, carting what I presumed to be Ethiopian cows in all directions of the country. We were headed towards the Indian Ocean resorts of Mombasa, so our Truck was the one which would drop us in Garissa, a town reached by running close to the Somali border. We were assured there was an ATM there. “How far is Garissa“, we asked.
“You won’t be there before dark“, was the vague reply.
Ingunn might be all giggles and joy now. The truck hasn't started yet!!
It was now 10am. It gets dark around 6ish. Eight hours on the cattle truck. That`s do-able, we desperately tried to convince ourselves and each other. I don`t know how you picture travelling by cattle truck. But let me tell you EXACTLY what it entails! First of all the truck is carrying 16 cows, all cramped in a space where in Europe they might carry 7 or 8. An animal rights activist would instantly drop dead off a heart attack if they even saw it on film!
Close you're eyes animal activists!!!
The bars criss-crossing the so called open roof, were less than a meter from the horns of the cows. As for the passengers, 10 people squish into what should be space for 5 and you cannot even dangle your legs, lest a horn put a hole through your leg. There was no space for me there, so I was relegated to the metal bars where our bags were tentatively dangling.
Scenes from the "GREAT CATTLE TRUCK RIDE"
When you hear about the poor condition of the roads in 3rd world countries, then let it be known that our journey would be undertaken in the top worst 1% of such roads.
The driver didn`t seem to notice, he took us along at high speeds nonetheless. Together all these factors meant that to remain on the vehicle and survive the incessant bumping up and down, sometimes violently, one had to hang on. And when I say hang on, I mean for dear life. It wasn`t a matter of grip for comfort or balancing purposes. It was so as not to get flung 50 feet in the air from a vehicle travelling at high speed, to land under the wheels of the truck, or worse, arse end on the horn of one of the beasts below.
More scenes from the GCTR
For the first hour we would catch looks from one another. Each an expression of: “This isn`t so bad“! At the passing of each hour, so did the furor of the facial expressions, until finally we were looking desperately for someone to crack, so that they in turn could relent. No one did.
Just before sunset we pull into “Typhoid town“, so called by us, because someone on our truck told us only to eat packaged foods: “The whole town has Typhoid“, he added. Too bad for us, we were now down to our last cents. We had to eat the local muck. With each bite I could see everyone fearfully trying to remember if in all those jabs back home, “did I get the Typhoid injection?”
OK. You can open your eyes again animal lovers...............ONLY JOKING!!!!
It was getting dark. By our calculations we should be arriving very soon. The reality was VERY different. Back on the truck we now faced an added adversary. Fighting off sleep! The ultimatum was: fall asleep – you die. Regardless, the extreme exhaustion meant invariably one of us would doze for maybe a few seconds, but awoken violently by the alien feeling of weightlessness, just in time to catch a bar and stay aboard.
A wise message from "Typhiod Town"
We all had our variant methods of taking ourselves mentally out of our physical situation; there was no other way to bear it. Peter assumed the illusion of: “This is my job, this is my living“. After a degrading comment to the cows made by one of the girls, Peter in all earnest interjects: “What do you mean forget about the cows. The cows are our primary objective. We have to deliver them unharmed and on time!
Ingunn confessed her escapism was to think perpetually about sex. Marta was being sneaky and wouldn’t tell us hers. My thoughts were thus: “If they can do it, I can do it. If they can do it, I can do it. If they can do it, I can do it……………………..etc
SEVENTEEN hours later we pull into Garissa. We scramble off the truck our hands resembling those of cripples, naturally, after so many hours of furious clenching
Ingunn buys a whole Mango for less then 5 us cents!
We didn`t have a penny between us. No matter. Up ahead we can see the 24 ATM. The prophecy had come true. Almost. The machine was out of order! Luckily we convinced the bus company that we would pay on arrival, using our telephones as deposits.
Safe and Alive, we celebrate our GCTR success with a traditional Kenyan beer.
2 hours short of our destination: Mombasa, we arrive in Malindi. Also on the coast, we unanimously decide to alight here. Showered and newly fed, we wander the quaint streets of this ex-Italian colony hardly believing what we had just endured. It already didn`t seem real. Malindi, however, was not the place for swimming in the Ocean. Tomorrow to Mombasa!
Tasting the local sugar cane.
Cafe delicious in Malindi. If I owned a cafe, I would totally call it that!
We arrive much later than planned and were resigned to spending the night here rather than continuing on to the resorts 15km further south. Our first Cosmopolitan city in a long while, we can do such things as go bowling or go to the cinema. Pure luxury! During the colonial era, subjects of the empire were frequently moved around. Consequently herds of Indians arrived in Kenya, none more so than in Mombasa. That night we ate Indian food. The next morning we whizzed around the sights, including the “Tusks“ and Fort Jesus. At the ticket gate, I managed to convince the officer not only that I was a black african, but a poor student one at that. We paid almost nothing to get in.
The Tusks of Mombasa
Scenes from Fort Jesus
We enquired about Safari prices as there were loads of travel agents. We took some numbers and said we would be in touch. I still wasn`t sure I could afford myself 300 dollars just to see a lion. At least that`s how Jurgen had phrased it back in the Simians. “Travelling Africa for 6 months you will inevitably see all the animals: Elephants, giraffes, zebras, hippos etc. If you want to see a lion though, you have to go to a National Park. These trips cost at best 300 dollars. I`m not paying that just to see a lion!” I was undecided.
Chillaxing in my hammock
View from our balcony
Less than an hour from the congestion and noise of the city, you find yourself on the 10km stretch of Diani beach. Lined with all the 4 and 5 star resorts, for all the package holiday makers from Europe, at the very end of the beach we find affordable beach chalets. We rented our own detached fully self contained chalets right on the beach. I sling my hammock and the four of us spend the next 5 days chillaxing to the max by the pure white sands of the Indian Ocean. Fully deserved!
Our beach chalet
Masai warrior on the beach
The days were very lazy, spent mostly going between our balcony and the beach. If we were feeling adventurous we might venture down to the Forty Thieves bar and catch up on some Premiership football. At night to the nightclub Shack Attack, where poor sun burnt Peter had not the energy to turn away a prostitute accosting him on one side, nor a guy on the other begging for a beer.
Poor sunburnt Peter
One night Peter comes home with a surprise. A bag full of live crabs. Each weighing well over a kilo. “Do you know how to cook and eat a crab? “, I asked.
“No idea“
“Me neither. No better way to find out“.
That night both of us committed murder for the first time. Our method: boiling to death. How evil we are. I could swear I detected a hint of delight in Peter as he went about his massacre. I`m glad I`m bunked up with Marta! I`m locking our door tonight!
Peter brings home a crab!
Marta helps with the preparations
Most people who go on Safari in Kenya will have been to Masai Mara. I`m sure when the girls had decided to come to Kenya, they had envisaged a visit to that park. Because we were coming from Mombasa to Nairobi, we would be by passing two National Parks already. It seemed logical then, that we should visit one of these parks. It turns out that there is a package offering both. 3 days 2 nights. We called one of the contacts we made in Mombasa. Humphrey. He was going to pick us up from our chalet the next morning. As I went to sleep, I knew that the next day I was probably going to see a lion in the wild.
Peter commits his first ever kill!!!!To be continued:::::::::::::::::::
Coming up next
P n J`s Adventures of Kenya part II………………. aka Running away from a lion....................
